Three Ways To Navigate Difficult Conversations
Today is the day to finally have that conversation you've been dreading to start with your boss, peer, or direct report. Stop beating around the bush, or soon, it will be a tumbleweed of regrets if you don't take the time to talk about the challenges you face. You have Reflected on the conversation, Assessed the potential outcomes, Formulated your thoughts, and now it’s time to have that conversation.
You are not alone in the struggle of diving into difficult conversations. It's time to stop putting off these conversations and lean in. Next time you face a difficult conversation, approach it with curiosity and respect. Focus on listening to what the other person says, and be direct about your intentions. A positive mindset can help shape the outcome, even in difficult conversations.
Be Direct, Stop Putting It Off!
Don't wait for the perfect moment; if you cannot find the time to have the conversation now, schedule time in the immediate future, preferably within a day or two. Once you begin the conversation, don't shy away from what needs to be said. Let it be known; say it with confidence and sincerity.
If you're dealing with a recurring issue, don't wait for it to happen again. Now is the time to address and always document, so if it happens again, you can show it's not the first time. This step is vital, primarily when others' actions are affecting your ability to do your job.
When addressing problems head-on, come from a place of curiosity and respect, especially when addressing it in front of others. Keep in mind a rule of praise in public and reprimand in private. The last thing you want is to have a peer(or boss) feel publicly shamed; this will only cause them to be defensive and possibly hostile. To alleviate that possibility, you must come from a place of curiosity and respect.
Beginning with Curiosity and Respect.
Enter your discussion with curiosity and respect; don’t worry about being liked. Far too often, we worry about being liked by others, which prohibits us from expressing what we need to express. Let's be honest; there's no way everyone will like everyone, but that doesn't mean we can't respect one another.
Don't lose your composure if you give respect and respect is not reciprocated. Take a step away from the conversation, give the person time to consider their actions, and consider alternative ways to handle the situation.
This last part is easier said than done: to be empathetic and view things from their perspective. Understanding your emotions and considering the situation from a different angle is important. The best way to shift your perspective is to listen to what the person says.
Focus On Listening
Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person is not engaged in what you are saying but instead focuses on what they have to say once you stop speaking? Just waiting for their moment to interject because they weren't actively listening; don't be that person. Fun Fact: Children's number one question is 'why?'. Be like a child in this sense; drop the need to look like you know everything and show your childlike curiosity.
When conversing, listen until something you either don't understand or resonates with you. Once you've heard that, build upon it by asking questions or rephrasing to show you are seeking understanding and have interest. When people are listened to and feel heard, they are more receptive to hearing other points of view on the matter.
In conclusion
Lastly, difficult conversations are hard to have. We don’t like to do them, and the other person doesn’t want to be there. Remember, be direct, and stop putting it off. The easiest way to ensure you have the discussion is to schedule it, so there's no avoiding it. Come with a sense of curiosity and, most of all, with respect. Remember these things the next time you face a difficult conversation and desire a positive outcome.
